"you're not at the top of my list"

that is exactly why I moved here.

to do what I want

and get away from you.

even though moving away doesn't exactly make me forget.

I finished a 1000 piece puzzle a few days ago.. with the help of my roommates and Alecia.

I also acquired a 1500 piece puzzled that I can hopefully turn into a poster for my wall..

I watched a movie called 'strictly sexual' - not too bad.. not really good..but not a waste of time either..

Finished the 'ugly truth' with a bottle of red blend.

now it's the 'massive attack' station on pandora.

night.

empathy

They aren't going to hear this song.
they won't see your sadness
they won't see what you've become


you wait for the door to open
you wait for their voice
you wait.


it's never the same
and it's not fair.



you question the motive.









but with death comes life.

your mouth is open wide

weeks of nightmares. un-easy nights. a comforting phone call. $300 to fix the lumie. new roomie.

I'm almost done with season 5 of House M.D. what am I gonna do until 6? I have 3 seasons of Weeds that I'm gonna work on.

When going on 3 1/2 hour walks in the mountains make sure to bring water. you might almost die.

3 days off. cleaning. softball. volleyball. running. hiking. cooking. paying rent somehow. snowboarding. birthday. love.

he's so sweet.. she wanna lick the rapper.

ridiculous

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

i won't forget

boredom creates some pretty interesting thoughts. time for a run.

Piñata beat down

just sayin..

Rawrrrr

I wanna go to a LIVE show soon. Somewhere in Denver.. yeah. And lots of baseball games.

In the words of Lady Gaga

You're not gonna reach my telephone.

Today. I woke up and decided that a trip out of Summit County was much needed. No agenda. My plan was to drive around and check things out in Denver. Grabbed Mike and hit the road. Drove up Loveland pass- 1st time for me. It was pretty awesome. I learned that the over-sized semis and tankers have to take Loveland because they are not allowed in the tunnel on 70. If they explode it could make the mountain crumble.. I made that last part up but it might have something to do with it. Drove to the beer store so Mike could brew his own.. well it's closed one day a week... guess what day that is? Yep. Monday. Which is today. Hah sad. Decided that I wanted to see the Garden of the Gods again.. Set out for Colorado Springs which is another 60 miles or so South of Denver. It was crazy to see Mountains on my Right and flatness on my Left. Garden of the Gods is just as pretty as I remembered it. Crazy red rock structures surrounded by trees and desert-like plants. We set off for a hike - it was super hot out but the hike was fun and easy... cept for the rattlesnake that snuck out in front of me. After hiking and looking at the balancing rock back to Denver it was. Took a random road somewhere in Denver and drove by a park.. and through a pretty neighborhood. Parked at a meter.. threw some quarters in and hung out on 16th street. It was nice to be in a city again and just people watch while drinking a Denver-brewed beer. After returning to the home slate.. we ate some noodles and co anddddd went to see 'How to Train your Dragon' in 3D. It was realllly cute...and I want a Dragon now. One that blows fire preferably. weeeeeeelp.. Time to get 5 hours of sleep before work in my lonely apartment. I hope my roomies make it back home safe! I'll miss them.

cutting the pop

that beach may have no sand or palm trees but it's my kinda beach.

SO I decided today that I'm not going to drink any pop (soda) for 2 weeks.. I've clearly been drinking wayyy too much this winter and now that I work at a restaurant.. well it's free. Lemon water please. I've also got 14 days to find a new place to live.. so maybe when I move into my new place I'll celebrate with a huge mountain dew!

On my hike/jog/run by the lake today I took a different route home randomly. I passed a man cutting his grass.. it was brown.. but it smelled amazing.. I can't wait for things to start turning green. So while I'm waiting.. I'll be making money..house hunting.. and hiking more.. anddd waiting for my friends to return to CO and hopefully hang out with the ones that are still here.

MN you're on my mind. I'll be back soonish.

right?

you'll pay eventually

Sleep. Dreams. 2 things that I like. my favorite things to do right now. my next day off i think im gonna stay in allll day and sleep. lately my dreams have been better than life itself. sometimes? i'm waiting for my brain to adjust to the changing of seasons. singing the same songs i sang last year at this time. let's do no repeats. same thing different place. how long will that last? what's the point.

still my favorite song:... on repeat for hours..:

2nd fav song:..:

it's the dream where you want to wake up and hope it was real. so much that it almost hurts. until we meet again...

right now.

choices.. options.. decisions

Here I am.. 2:30 am.. I did nothing tonight except stress about how my life has no direction right now. April is never a good month for me.. maybe it has something to do with the changing seasons. The best thing I did was move out here to Colorado.. I met some pretty amazing people.. some in which are leaving or already left. I also wasted time on some things when I should have spent more on others. big. waste. of. time. I moved out here for me. Not anyone else. I'm tired of unnecessary stress. unnecessary stress is making me tired. I'm trying really hard not to pack up my car and leave... to where.. I don't know?

I spent a good amount of time looking at missing people online. It is such an eerie feeling. What if someone you saw everyday went missing.. I only came about this because of an article in a cosmopolitan magazine. One that I should probably have a subscription to since I spend almost $5 on it every month.

I rode keystone all day today.. closing day. got some good slushy riding in. I may or may not attend the employee ride day tomorrow.. or today however you look at it. this is only if i wake up in time. at this point it's looking like ill sleep the whole day away. anyways..after riding i went to city market.. which is like a cub foods in mn... it was there that i purchased bread.. avocados.. cherry tomatoes.. cheese..lettuce.. ice cream cookie sandwiches.. chips.. spaghettios.. 2 cokes.. some vitamin water.. and 3 magazines.. solid shopping. I also rented a movie call 'an education' which i pre-ordered online.. guess what? i didn't watch it. yet. i also didn't do my laundry that i said i would do. very productive night on the couch. i even got lazy capitalizing my "i"s.

this song is weird.. i liked the tune but not sure about the lyrics

i rock out to this while snowboarding

....and the video makes me wanna dress up like a butterfly? or learn how to play bass.. and not end up on celebrity rehab

makes me feel like im spinning around really fast

still spinning

coming home? it's not something you know about

thoughtful mac n cheese

I need to get out of this place.

in search of

Mike Snow- Remedy -Crookers RemiX

Yay for Baseball season.. Yay for snow in April.. Yay for Sat-Mon offffffffff to do some spring riding!

Dear Last Night..

Hiiiiiiiii -

Dear Last Night.. I think we got off on the wrong foot. It's funny what the sun can do.. but the sun isn't even up... I'm ready to ROCK today. I'm working at my new job in Breck today - I hate the drive...butttt oh well... and it snowed out.. crap.

Hopefully I'll see my friends over there tonight? Tomorrow is my last day at MGS!!!!!! It's saddddd.... wtf happened

boooootyyy shakin

Sway Feat. Akon - Silver & Gold - MyVideo

faded through

How do we get through the things we do?

I have some friends who are extremely strong. The things they have been through- I can hardly imagine what it's like. There is nothing you can do for them except be there.. if that.

I hate these weird feelings.. I had such a fun, silly day. Then I get one feeling of random uncertainty and it all goes away. Look back at where you were a year ago. It doesn't seem that long ago- but it was and it's gone. I could write a book about each one of my friends.. and random stories... but what would I write about myself? Is this where I wanna be?

things build around me and stay together while I tear apart and grow distant. never that one that is worth sticking around.

so many many

5 more days working for Mountain Guest Services. Sad.

2 job offers in 2 days.. What shall I pick?

More jobs I'm thinking of... Summer jobs: Bev Cart.. Dillon/Frisco Marina.. Landscaping company.. Tiki Bar..

orrr I can move to Denver.. and work at a Harley Davidson that's hiring for a position that I previously worked for 5 years. oooorrrrr a few other big girl jobs that I've been looking into.

I like this place tho. I am also planning a trip back to MN soon.. hopefully it works out sooner than later.


oh if you're a bar or a bowling alley.. watch your glasses and shoes. yep.

sleepyhead

I didn't get a chance to see prof in MN... so maybe Denver on Tuesday night

New job in Breck on Wednesday. Working on others. Colorado is where I'll be for now. Gonna buy me a bike for the summer... yessssss

Karmatized

SO. This is what's up.

Today I walk into work with my big 30+ ounce cup... or maybe it's more like a jug.. It's perfect for me since I need lotsss of water the day after a disaster. I had dreams again where I was constantly filling up a water glass and drinking. So I'm sitting in the office waiting for work and Josilynn walks in with the same exact jug.. except hers is accessorized with a pretty straw. Nothing else could be done except to burst out with laughter.. The kind of laughter that makes me feel like collapsing a little. It's weird

So let's recap:

Last night was our department's "Bowling Party" social gathering. Bowling is fun. I bowled a 99 and a 149. I didn't get to finish my 3rd game... that's a story for another time.. but in a nutshell:

Bowling attendant who doesn't respect women called me something 3 times.

I took home a new pair of bowling shoes complements of the Dillon Bowling Alley.

My dearest friend poured beer into her bowling shoes because of what the 'really nice' bowling attendant called me. I love her.

Got kicked out.

Went to another bar... where I left my camera in the booth.... it's gone :(

Karma.. you're not fair.. bowling shoes are NOT as cool as a camera.

SOO Keystone today. Another 4-5 hour night of sleep. 4 people are late. Meghan and I got to jam out in SKI check. "In 5 minutes when that cloud rolls in.. I'm leaving" I hope that wasn't our last time at ski check sitting on the railing watching the jet clouds... having lovely conversations with boys from Wisconsin about 'cheese turds'... Saturday in the park.. a man selling ice cream... and pretending to know the words to "Benny and the Jets".. oooh and BTW.. I am currently listening to "Saturday in the Park" by Chicago now.

SO this area is getting some serious snow right now.. 70 is closed. Keep it coming.

Thursday: Riding.. interview. check it.

**update** my camera was in one of the bowling shoes under my bed :)

Give me grace and chemicals

I suppose I haven't written in a while..

Je Suis Le Vent.. and I will go where I please

you can have your opinion.. you can have your thoughts.. you can criticize me.. you can praise me.. But - I know who my friends are .. and there are very few. I can count five back home and their names start with E, B, K, J, and A. Good luck with that one. I have one down south too... and new ones here in this place called Colorado.

23. I should count 23 things since it is my age.. for a few more months

1. I like random things including music

2. I like to sleep but I never get any

3. Everyone should step outside of their box once in a while.

4. If you want something enough it can eventually happen

5. I like my car.

6. I like to sit for hours and stare at the sky.. and stars

7. I like not really knowing where I'll be in 6 months from now

8. I know I'll be just fine though-

9. I want to live by a beach someday.. for a little while

10. I have phases where I like to be alone

11. I have phases where I can't be alone

12. I make "to do" lists and lose them

13. I really do think the world would be a better place for me if I could erase certain memories

14. Karma.. it does exist

15. I don't like birds.

16. I sometimes lack the feeling of excitement.. it helps the whole 'getting let down' thing.

17. I laugh a lot ..

18. I look forward to the sun coming up because the scenery here is amazing.. and it looks different almost everyday

19. Snowboarding is one activity that makes me forget about everything

20. I can't wait to start running outside early in the morning. I will miss the trail in Kato- but hopefully there will be a new one just as pretty.

21. Don't wait for anyone

22. I love going to movies

23. I have flashbacks a lot.. the feelings that come with are strange. Like smells... they also give me sharp flashbacks.

Lately I have been waking up in the middle of the night to see someone standing at my bed.. or in my bed. One case was about 2 weeks ago. I woke up and thought it was a certain someone... when I realized no one was there I sat up confused. The time before this.. I saw someone by the door and actually got out of bed to turn on the light.

The last time this happened to me was probably back in 2007? I was living in Stadium Heights and sleeping alone. Woke up in the middle of the night and saw someone standing by my bed.. just staring. I wasn't scared either. Only one time was I freaked outttttt- I was staying in a hotel with my ex bf. I actually woke him up freaking out because I saw someone .. that wasn't really there. Maybe it was the hotel.. maybe stress... not sure.. But just like the recent 'dreams' or whatever they were... they were both within the same month.. 2007 and 2010.i want this dress.

>:O

you wish.

Shambles

It's been a while friends- if anyone is out there

sooo let's seeee.... this season is flying by and I've been riding as much as I can. Really workin these legs.

There's too much that has happened but I would like to give highlights on last night

Jacque, Ben, and Justin all moved into a new condo

-Never have I ever (one that I changed last night)

-Cake in the face.. swigs of grey goose followed by slaps to the face

-Hot tub.. snowball fights... slipping on my ass

-The goat.. awesome place to get into a fight with some guy who's pissed I wouldn't give him a lighter....

Pretty sure we all had a good night... $4 pitchers leaving one to puke in a beer pitcher, one to get into a fight, one to wet the bed, two to kick down a door because of lost keys, confessions and quotes during the car ride home, more slipping on the ice, and 2 hours of sleep.

= longest day at work ever.

Going to see Shutter Island tonight

Vail after Wednesday --- super excited!

Happy Birthday lil Sis - Aimee!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lwuFEz_ydo